The slap heard round the...Wal-Mart

We have all been in Roger Stevens' position before. You're trying to shop, and some annoying little kid is screeching because mommy won't buy the little heathen their favorite cereal or something. I see it almost daily at my Other Job (Cracker's got bills to pay, ya know).

We've ALL fantasized about giving the savage little bastards a swift backhand. Don't lie, in the dark corners of your mind you know it to be true.

That being said, what Mr. Stevens did was wrong. Slapping a child is usually pretty frowned upon, especially when it isn't yours. However, I think it raises a lot more issues (and not the fact that he was white and the mom and child were black).

Like the fact that the mom raised a little demon-spawn in the first place. I was not the poster child for public restraint (most children aren't), but I was behaved. Down here in CrackerTown, we beat our kids in the privacy of our own home. And the fear of such retribution for public displays of embarassment were usually sufficient to keep me in line when being forced to march through the local supermarket.

Of course, this wasn't the local supermarket, this was the Big WM, where classy folk who raise obedient children rarely congregate. Coupled with the fact this was in Georgia, I'm surprised an incident like this hasn't come up sooner.

I'll leave you with the musings of the wise Katt Williams on the subject:

CMT Gets "All Jacked Up"

CMT (That's Country Music Television for all you non-Crackers) has slowly been losing the "M"...much like its counterparts MTV and VH1, CMT has delved into cheesy reality and game shows.

"All Jacked Up" is neither. It's best described as "Redneck Extreme Sports". It's a slightly less retarded version of "Jackass" (the title comes from a Gretchen Wilson song). The host is C. Thomas Howell, who is a former child star trying to revitalize his career after the disappointing "Soul Man".

(He wears Blackface. Can't imagine why it was a failure)

But, to his credit, despite being born in LA, Howell is actually a child rodeo champion, and his father was a stunt double, which is sort of what this show is a cross between. Howell does everything from drive a tank, participate in a Combine Derby, and sit in a pit of rattlesnakes.

The series premiere also features Ostrich Racing:

Not Howell, but you get the idea.

The first observer might be quick to compare AJU with "Jackass". But while the latter is just a bunch of losers doing "stunts" in their own backyard, Howell is a professional working in a closely monitored environment. He also doesn't look like he's trying to maim himself on purpose. Just participating in activities that provide an adrenaline rush.

Howell's enthusiasm is catchy, and he appears to be sincere. Even if it's not "Music Television", AJU is solid fun. It airs Saturdays on CMT.

Read C. Thomas Howell's Blog

Does Paula Deen Wear A Wig?

Food Network Host, Restauranteur and Butter For All Americans advocate Paula Deen is best known for her deep-fried dishes and ill-timed "y'alls". But lately I've noticed that her hair is never the same:




Now of course, these pictures could be taken at vastly different times, but notice that in the second pic from the top, her hair doesn't even appear to be the same color or texture.

The administrator of her forum says that she just happens to have an "amazing stylist". But the folks at Food Network Humor speculate that she wears wigs made entirely of butter. That seems a little extreme, even for the Queen Of The Coronary. I prefer to think that she somehow uses butter as an adhesive to hold her fake hair onto her scalp.

Not that she doesn't have real hair. The below screenshot from one of her videos demonstrates what the Savanna Sea Hag looks like when she isn't airbrushed and/or covered in make-up: